I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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