I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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