and next time when you feel me up, do it right
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
