and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Vodka?
Forever.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
