stop calling my apartment porn island.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
