Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year