I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.