I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.