i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize