pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
