soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped