I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.