Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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