he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
