Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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