I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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