Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
