Well douche your snatch and let's go!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
