That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
