he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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