So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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