I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Houston, we have a squirter
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
