Swine flu. Run for my life!
If that was your dad, he is hot
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
