if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
