it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
