My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
