I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
