Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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