i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
