ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
soo... how was my night?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
