When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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