Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
