i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
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We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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