My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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