matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
