Don't make out with my wife yet
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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