dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
