it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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