did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize