If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
