so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
