I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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