Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
