We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
