i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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