I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
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I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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