My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
