Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
