is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
