The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm having to shit out rocks
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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