2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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