I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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