I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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