I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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