my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
