My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
