hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
