Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
