Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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