Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
