What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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