Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
