she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
