his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
